My friends I have a story of the man that’s in the middle

His self esteem is shattered, his confidence quite brittle

He starts with disadvantages that would make Kojak’s hair turn grey

And ends up down in Croker keeping angry mobs at bay


He’s born of questionable heritage, he never knew his Da

And some quite unscrupulous compliments have been levelled at his Ma

Of course we know he’s colour blind which is worse than it might seem

The only colour that he sees is the shirt of the other team


A further complication which is difficult to hide……….

Although he sees through both eyes, he can only see one side

He has trouble with his learning, he never knows the rules

And he thinks that we can’t spot it  ‘cause we’re 50,000 fools


A very serious character flaw when the game is very tight……..

He doesn’t get that booing means he hasn’t got it right

And what about his fitness, what message does it send?

When one of ours gets a punch, he’s down the other end


I’m absolutely certain that the poor aul hoor is deaf………

He never hears us when we shout “did ye not see that foul there ref?”

Seems he never learnt to tell the time, another fatal flaw

He’ll play an extra twenty minutes just to get the draw


But he ploughs on regardless and thinks that he’s adored

Then he’s carried off and hidden in the boot of his old Ford