Duffer: Two pints of your best porter please Eamon
Beanzie: Is that not one ‘a them Oxymorons……. Eamon and best porter in the same sentence
Duffer: Ah good one Eamon,………He says the only Poxy Moron in this Pub is sittin’ in front of him on the barstool
Beanzie: Ye see this is what you’re up against when ye come in here………philistinery. The barman has an opinion of everything but knowledge ‘a nuthin’.
Duffer: Well I’d say even he knows there’s no such word as Philistinery.
Beanzie: Of course there is. It’s what a Philistine practices, Philistinery…… and Eamon is the top practitioner in this pub.
Duffer: Jaysus Beanzie the aul Mirror crossword musta been hard today with all the big words you’re comin’ out with
Beanzie: The problem of the educated man throughout the ages is the ignorance of the masses. I have long suffered.
Duffer: Anyway, forget that Einstein, how are ye votin’ in the Election?
Beanzie: Defo Christy Mangan. He’s given his life to the club and it’s about time he got the Chairmanship. If I have to listen to one more speech about winnin’ the All Ireland club this year from aul goggle eyes I think I’ll commit Harry Carey on meself.
Duffer: Not that Election Beanzie, the gay one for marriage and that.
Beanzie: Duffer, Duffer, Duffer, what you’re referring to is a referendum…….a referendum to allow same sex couples to get married in this country…..not a gay election for marriage and that.
Duffer: Ah ye know what I mean Beanzie. Sure my nephew is gay and he’s with his fella for years. I’d be oney delighted for them get married. Sure why shouldn’t they have to suffer like the rest of us.
Beanzie: Ye see Duffer generations of Irishmen and Irishwomen fought for rights of all kinds. This is just the latest injustice that needs to be corrected.
Duffer: Have ye seen all the right wing Loolas out in force tryin’ to convince people that it’ll be bad for the kids.
Beanzie: Bad for the kids? I’ll give them bolloxes bad for kids. What about Letterfrack, The Laundries, Artane? For Jaysus sake. Are you tellin’ me that your Nephew and his fella wouldn’t give children a great start in life? Sure he played a bit a ball didn’t he?
Duffer: He did. He played a little soccer for Stella.
Beanzie: Well the poor kids can’t have everything. We’d have to get them playin’ a bit of the aul gaelic but besides that he’d be a great father.
What about his fella, who did he play for?
Duffer: His fella? No he never played.
Beanzie: He never played football……ah here.
Duffer: D’ya not remember, he did endurance cycling. He won a load of competitions.
Beanzie: Well I suppose that’s okay so. The kids would have a bit of a mix.
Are ye sure he never played? That’s mad.
Duffer: The other thing the Loolas are sayin’ is the kids ‘ll get slagged in school if their parents are the same sex.
Beanzie: Well that’ll please the short, tall, red haired, spotty, skinny fat lad with the lisp then won’t it ‘cause it’ll take the attention away from him.
Duffer: You’re not wrong there Beanzie, sure what kid was never slagged in school?
I’ll tell ye one thing I’d prefer to be slagged about two aul fella’s then be called crater face like that fella that was in school with me. His face used to be out in lumps with the puss oozin out.
Beanzie: Jaysus Duffer, will ye stop, you’re putting me off me pint.
I’ll tell ye something, I’da lovin’ one aul fella when I was goin’ to school never mind two. Imagine if there was a row and the other fella brings his aul lad up to sort your aul lad out and you end up bringin’ up two ‘a them……that’d put an end to it fairly lively.
Duffer: Even better if ye had two Ma’s behind ye, nobody’d go near ye. My ‘aul wan was formidable enough on her own without havin’ a partner to back her up. Them lads woulda though twice about boxin’ the head off me if they knew there was two aul wans comin’ up.
Beanzie: You’d wonder why the Loolas get involved at all wouldn’t ye? Live and let live that’s what I say. Sure who am I to tell anyone how to live their life?
Duffer: Well you’re always tellin’ me…….
Beanzie: That’s different Duffer, you’re a bit of a lost cause and I’m just tryin’ to guide ye…….. but the gay people they don’t need you or me to judge them or tell them they’re not equal. We oney get one turn on this merry go round and ye need to do your best to enjoy it. As long as ye hurt nobody off ye go.
Duffer: Ye know what Beanzie, sometimes you’re more profound then you realize.
Beanzie: Profound or not, I’m gaspin’ after all that venting so will ye shout over to Eamon to put us on two more pints.