I wish I owed millions and then I could get

The house of my dreams and my own private Jet

I’d head to the Hamptons where bankers are rife

And I’d ‘gift’ 20 million to the long suffering wife


If only I’d realised that I also should have ‘gifted’

The house to the kids before markets had shifted

My shame is my own if it ever gets out

I’ve long paid my mortgage I owe nobody nowt


Oh I wish I was bankrupt to ignore law and tort

And I’d stick up two fingers to every law Court

I’d bamboozle the Judge with my panache and my wit

But when it came to the facts I’d be telling him shit


Oh lay me in NAMA I’d respect all their rules

If I could get an allowance for the kid’s private schools

And of course a stipend to keep up to date

The fleet that we lovingly store by the gate


Oh and how I wish that I was liquidated

But the lads in the club tell me that I’d be hated

NDR is the new thing to sort out your debt

But conning those guys hasn’t come to me yet