DUFFER:   Paval a double expresso and a hot chocolate with water for Beanzie.

Me head isn’t the Mae West after last night.


Mae West, ya know, isn’t the George Best after the few gargles last night….gargles, ya know, the few jars, the cupla scoops….

BEANZIE:  Jaysus will ya speak English to him. He’s Polish for feck sake. He doesn’t know all the rhyming slang.

Ya wouldn’t have the foggiest would ya Paval.


Foggiest ya know, ya wouldn’t have a rashers.

DUFFER:   Paval what Beanzie’s trying to say is that we are usin’ the aul vernacular and we should be a bit more considerate as you mightn’t have a Scooby Doo what’s goin’ on seein’ as you’re only over a few months.

….Oh right so.

BEANZIE:  What did he say?

DUFFER:   Turns out he has learned a bit of the local language. He says “go an’ ask me arse”

BEANZIE:  Serves ya right. You need to embrace all the new cultures and the changes we’re seein’. Ye can’t be stuck in the seventies ye know.

DUFFER:   What are ye on about? Sure you were railin’ against Starbucks last week.

BEANZIE:  No I don’t think so. I’m up with all the new trends. I’ve even got Facebook now.

DUFFER:   You?

On Facebook?

Who are ya pokin wha?

BEANZIE:  No, no it’s not one ‘a them sites. It’s all good clean family stuff. The grandson set up me profile. Mind you some of the people on it need to get out more. One a Bernie’s cousins puts a picture of her dinner up most days. Could she not just eat the jaysus thing? Like who sits down to have their dinner and starts takin’ photographs of it. Jaysus she put up a photo of Beef somethin’ or other last week. Your dog woulda turned his nose up at it. If fact it looked as if he already had.

DUFFER:   Mary’s on that with the sisters and the neices an all. I’m surprised there isn’t a fire sometimes.

BEANZIE:  A fire?

DUFFER:   Yeah with all the smoke they’re blowin’ up each other’s arses.

Mary’s sister Una was at a weddin’ last week and you remember her from the last christenin’, she wouldn’t be the first to die in a famine. She put a picture of herself up in a yellow dress which looked like someone sat on Big Bird. I swear to God weren’t they all on with their “lookin’ Fab Una”, “Sexy Moma”, “Beautiful” comments and all that rubbish and then the best thing is she responds and says “thanks” as if any of it was fuckin’ true.

BEANZIE:  I’ll give ye a better one. Bernie put up a picture of her mother and the next thing is all the comments sayin’ “stunning”.  Stunned more like it. It was probably taken after a few vinos and no offence nor nothin’ but the woman is 87.

DUFFER:   How many friends have you on it?

BEANZIE:  Well ye know I was always fairly popular so I think it’s up to 3600.

DUFFER:   That Raheny Village page doesn’t count. How many without that?

BEANZIE:  Bernie, her sisters, the lads, their partners and me grandson.

I’ll drop into Mary and ask her does she want to be a friend as well.

DUFFER:   Sure just send a request?

BEANZIE:  Don’t be gettin’ all formal on me when I’ve lived beside ya for forty years. I will not send a request. I’ll drop in and ask Mary and I’m surprised at you gettin’ all possessive about your missus when we know each other as long as we do.

DUFFER:   I wonder is Jimmy on Facebook….

BEANZIE:  Jimmy? Jimmy Keavney? Why would Jimmy go on Facebook? Sure he’d have more friends then ya could shake a stick at. Sometimes I wonder do you understand anything of the modern world.