BEANZIE:  I’m changin’ to Johnny

DUFFER:   Changin’ what to Johnny?

BEANZIE:  The name on the cup

DUFFER:   What are ya on about?

BEANZIE:  That new young one, she was callin Beefy for about five minutes before I realised it was me she meant.

DUFFER:   But nobody even knows Johnny is your real name. Even your grandson calls ya Beanzie. You’ll just confuse everything.

BEANZIE:  Yeh but I can’t be comin’ in here every day and bein’ made a show of. If changin’ me name stops that I’m prepared to do it.

DUFFER:   I don’t think you’ve thought this through.

BEANZIE:  How have I not thought this through?

DUFFER:   Well supposin’ ya change back to Johnny and they get that wrong. Where does that leave ya then?

BEANZIE:  I’ll tell ya where it leaves me, in the bleedin’ Cedars ‘cause at least when I go in there Eamon just pulls ya a pint and doesn’t need to write your name on the jaysus glass in case he forgets who ya are even when you’re the only one in the place.

DUFFER:   Is it only Bernie that calls ya Johnny now?

BEANZIE:  And her mother ‘Mrs Bucket’. She says John though. Told Bernie years ago that Johnny was very common and as for Beanzie……

She heard me grandson callin’ me Beanzie the other day and she told Bernie it was ‘inappropriate’ for a child to call his Grandfather by a nickname.

It nearly put her off havin’ the second glass ‘a wine but Bernie managed to talk her ‘round.

DUFFER:   You’re a bit like Bono.

BEANZIE:  Thanks.

I like to think I can hold an aul tune.

DUFFER:   No, not the singin’, yis are just known by the one name.

BEANZIE:  Would ya say Mrs Bono calls him Bono or Paul?

DUFFER:   Well if there’s mother in law like yours in the house, I’d say it’s Paul.

BEANZIE:  It’s a curse bein’ so well known.

DUFFER:   I think he copes well enough.

BEANZIE:  Not Bono, me.

I can’t go anywhere in Raheny without everyone stoppin’ me to talk.

DUFFER:   Well you have lived here for forty years and anyway you’re the biggest aul gossiper.  The missus won’t go inta Smyths for the meat if you’re there ‘cause you keep them all talkin’ and she can’t get out.

BEANZIE:  Here Duffer I’m goin’ to try out a new coffee tomorrow.

Will I tell ya why?

DUFFER:   Go on I’m all ears…..

BEANZIE:  Cause I still haven’t found what I’m looking for, wha?