DUFFER:   Two pints please Eamon. Actually giv us a Herdinger non alcoholic. I’m doin’ the gym in the mornin’.

I’ll ask him.

Beanzie do you want a Herdinger non alcoholic?

BEANZIE:  I do in me arse. I haven’t spent a lifetime developin’ a palate for Guinness to destroy it now with some politically correct German muck that has all the chemicals but when ye swallow it, it has no authority.

DUFFER:   I’m kinda thinkin’ that the hangovers aren’t worth it anymore. I was down in the club on Sunday with Mary and I had three of them Herdingers and bejaysus I was like a young fella gettin’ up in the mornin’ for the aul power walk.

BEANZIE:  Ok that sentence is wrong on so many levels. Firstly, ye never told me you were goin’ over to the club on Sunday.  Secondly, who is pushin’ ye towards this Herdinger and thirdly, what in the name a jaysus are you doin’ a power walk for?  What’s wrong with a stroll? St Annes Park was never built to be power walked. It was built for strollin’.  D’ya think Lord Ardilaun when he owned the estate power walked around it? Did he bollox. He strolled around takin’ in all the sights that nature gave him….. the lovely trees, the wild bushes, the rose garden….If he was power walkin’ he’d ‘a missed all that. Power walkin’ was invented by Adidas or Nike or one ‘a them to get aul wans to buy branded lycra. I’m surprised at you Duffer gettin’ sucked in like that.

DUFFER:   I went for the aul NCT on the body two weeks ago and the blood pressure is a bit on the high side so I’m cuttin’ back a bit.

BEANZIE:  So your answer is Herdinger? Sure there’s more chemicals in that then there is in Sellafield. Anyway isn’t Guinness known as a cure for blood pressure goin’ back hundreds ‘a years.

DUFFER:   You’re talkin’ through your arse now.

BEANZIE:  No I’m not. You look at the lager drinkers in the Cedars and to a man they look unhealthier then your Guinness drinker and this Herdinger you’re drinking doesn’t even have the relaxin’ qualities of a normal lager so your blood pressure is guaranteed to rise even more when you drink it. I don’t know what advice you were given by the Doctors but they don’t know what there talkin’ about.

DUFFER:   No Mary was sayin’……

BEANZIE:  I’ll stop ye there……

I love the bones of that girl but she doesn’t know her beers. Mary was always a vodka and white girl and Chinzano back in the day so she wouldn’t know shit from sugar about beer, otherwise she wouldn’t be givin’ ye that kind of advice and to be honest with ye, she coulda put your life at risk just through pure ignorance.

DUFFER:   Ah here, stall the digger Beanzie you’re gettin’ ahead of yourself.

BEANZIE:  Ok, Question for ye, who was Jim Fixx?

DUFFER:   That bleedin’ paedophile off Top ‘a the pops.

BEANZIE:  No not him, the fella who invented joggin’, Jim Fixx.

How did he die?

DUFFER:   I don’t know.

BEANZIE:  Out joggin’, that’s how.

DUFFER:   So what’s your point?

BEANZIE:  Herdinger, power walkin’ and joggin’ it’s all bad for ye.

DUFFER:   Ah here Eamon, two pints please, me blood pressure is risin’ just listenin’ to him.