My Friends I have a lesson
I certainly have a tale
About how Showbiz partnerships 
Are destined but to fail
I was runnin’ round and havin’ fun
Barkin’ with me mates
When a vision in a blondy wig
Turned up at the gates
I’ll take the little fella
He’ll be gorgeous dressed in Pink
And that my friends is how I met
The whirlwind known as Twink

She started me on the dancin’
With steps I couldn’t nail
And then it was the singin’
Where me woof was just a wail
She told me she was current
That her act was really fresh
But her last time on the telly 
Was when Nidge was in a creche
I was gettin’ very nervous
I needed a re think
When she tried to start a howl along
To Maxi Dick and Twink

So I took a big decision
The time had come to bail
Showbiz life was not for me
With an act I couldn’t nail
I legged it to the northside
Where I felt me life was startin’
But the next thing I knew 
I was rescued by Linda bleedin’ Martin
She put me in her doggie bag
And before I’d time to blink
She drove me in her Hiace van
Across the city back to Twink

Oh yer wan was pleased to see me
But she looked a little pale
When she showed me our big contract
That was delivered in the mail
I was on the larger wedge
And I was now the Star
Adele was just me minder
The girl who drove the car
Oh she started makin’ merry hell
The veritable stink
And that is how the panto
Is minus Dog and Twink